yeah, another tiresome day for me...... tiresome, and crazy... totally crazy........

well, I'm currently stuck in this situation right now... wherein I feel like I'm the bad person around [mind you I didn't dream to be in this place....... read older posts for clarifications... LOL]

so I just let out my anger to my staff today.... 'cuz really, this is getting overboard already...... and I really don't feel good about it.....
so, I was expressing my issues on attendance earlier..... about tardiness and stuff [yeah I'm really particular on attendance... ever since]......and here comes issue with me and my temper,.........

well, first and foremost.... I tell you, and I never failed to tell this to my staff before the whole process started...[ I have really bad temper...... and they have to understand it]

at first I was really cool about everything.... I mean, we have lots of time, and I had a lot more trust towards my staff........................................... but a week past and we had only less than a week left.......... and still same people working, same speed, I see nothing coming to life........ how would a director respond to that?!?!?!......

really I just let out a little anger, just to get the machine working..................... but what I got in return was "reclamo"....................... and as if I always reprimand them.......

yes I have to adjust [lower my temper and stuff]....... mind you, I was doing that for the past 2 weeks.... I say "please", I say "thank you", I let them work at their own speed, I look at them going in and out............. but seems like I'm taken for granted.............. I feel like my efforts [I'm not really a kind person......... my private self is so.......... NVM] to be so nice and understanding is being abused.......
all the while ako ga inchindi..... now, tneh mangakig ko ginagmay, ako naman inchindiha,...... and there's always a reason ngaa ga pangakig ko........

sorry for the people nga gaka akigan ko though you are those people who's been helping.......[ that's the consequence of being there. sucks right?.]........ but still I hope those reprimands would get you to help me out in motivating the others to work [like munohun mu nlng sila mag bulig kn tak-an kna mamati sang akig....... help me with this]

seriously...... gamay lng na nga akig, di nyo na kaya............. I tell you, ang akig nga gna agyan nyo sakun, is only 1/4, 1/6, 1/18th of what section B goes through with their director...................

if I fail to smile at you at times, then sorry....... I don't have time for that.......
honestly...... I hope you understand that....... how pressured I am to direct this thing......... my name is in line.... and the whole world is expecting a lot from me........
you won't know that, since you never been on my shoes......

really, I never intend to have a working place that's full of anger...... since I know how unhealthy that is......... still I hope you see a reason why I'm being like this right now...............[ though i really don't want to]........ gamay lng ni gna akig guys.......

and also.... thank you to those people who trusts in me......... please keep that up....... though, that trust won't get me anywhere.............. I can't just live with that........... I've worked with lots of teams already........ and this kind of system won't work... trust me...... again.... I have reasons why I'm like this...... [and this is just the first time nga gn akigan ko kamu.........][also mind you.... frowning is not "akig"....... don't expect me to smile at you always.... kn gamu  nga mind ko........]

honestly....... I don't feel good right now...... how hard I'm trying to get this play work.... and I turn out to be the bad person............ gosh............

I'm just so glad I have my partner by my side........ he gets things less cooler when I'm getting so hot........... well I say,............. mangakig lng ko ya..... sin-o nga director wala gapangakig haw, tawga to xa kay xa pa direkun ko sang play..............

I entrust my temper to my partner...... mangakig lng ko, and he'll just step in to regulate the mood...... hahahaha.... kn sa MMB pa, it's like me= tita ann, and him= tito victor...... thank you friend......

and, in the case of my actors...... well, let's just say..... I Love my Actors so much..... I can't even reprimand them........ [bias me]

also... I would like to stretch out my apologies to my Marketing Head........ you've worked hard enough,,... yet you get the burden of getting reprimanded for other people's mistake....... THANK YOU so much.... and sorry................

phew........ I think this would be the last hataw for tonight... and I hope this would get my mind better..............
ma ngakig lng ko ya since I have the authority to do so...... gamay lng na nga sampok sang kilay ko,  mind you I never used trash words towards you........[ you'll never like it if I will]....... wala ko ga pangakig kn wala rason........ gna inchindi ko kamo, ako man bi inchindiha nyo....... ka kapoy nga ako lng ga adjust...sa hulatanay ako man ga adjust, subung ako man gyapun......... I adjusted so much from the past weeks..... and I can't do that now......... kn confident na kamo sa gaka kit-an nyo then ako ya indi pa....... sorry to say, but YOU CHOSEN A HOT TEMPERED PESSIMISTIC DIRECTOR.......... and you can't make me change that.......

.................IU TREATMENT.............